I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
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