Your mouth is God's brothel.
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
My bed smells like the plague
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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