i just had sex bonerless
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Randomize
