dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
Did we literally take a cab across the street
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Randomize
