The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
he fucked my hip out of place.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Randomize
