You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
