I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Randomize
