32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Randomize
