He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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