I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
