Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
Sex in the backyard? Check.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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