K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
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