God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
I think I just saw someone hide a body.
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
How's work?
Spinning.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Randomize
