You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
Randomize
