i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
he fucked my hip out of place.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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