shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
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