Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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