How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Randomize
