Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
I need moral support for this bender
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
