she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
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