My room smells like vodka and shame
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
