Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize
