sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
Even my vagina gasped.
Someone shattered a urinal.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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