Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
Randomize
