Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
I believe in your delicious
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
