By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Randomize
