bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
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