What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
Randomize
