I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
