i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize
