Christians are straight up FREAKS
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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