He asked to "fluff my boner.."
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
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