my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize