I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
