I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
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