I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Randomize
