running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
Randomize
