I accidentally had phone sex last night
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
