i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Randomize
