Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize
