am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
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