I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
