A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
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