Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize
