just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
Randomize
