Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
Randomize
