im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Randomize
