We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
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