I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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