He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
