i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
