I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Randomize
