don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
Randomize
