i was born a porn star she said
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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