I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
