My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Randomize
