I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
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