Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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