No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
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