Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
