So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
